Leather anniversary

Tim and I will be celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary next month. I used to think that married life is not very different from dating, but boy was I wrong! We did not have squabbles over lift-the-toilet-seat or capping-the-toothpaste issues, but we had our fair share of fights over ridiculous or mundane things. For example, Tim dislikes me standing beside him when he cooks, he cannot tolerate tardiness and often chides me for buying too many things. On the other hand, I dislike him leaving dirty dishes in the sink overnight, I find it difficult to accept his overly thrifty habits and unhealthy food choices, and often admonish him for the dishevelled state of his hobby room. The 3 years of marriage did not cause me to miraculously accept his idiosyncrasies and bad habits (which I still dislike). It's not happening now, and unlikely in the future too. 

Instead, the 3 years of marriage taught me more about myself. Surely I can't be wrong for wanting a cleaner home environment, wanting him to be healthier, wanting gratification though retail therapy, wanting to dress up more nicely for him...Surely I have the best intentions! It is all because I love him! Right? Surely other wives could identify with my struggles for wanting the best for their spouse. Indignantly, this went on for some time. 

I don't know what prompted me to gradually discover how careless my words are towards Tim. Maybe it's divine intervention. Maybe it's my conscience. Although he never confronted me about my approach or speech, I came to realize that in wanting to meet certain intentions or expectations, I unwittingly choose the harshest words to bring across my point. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with harboring good intentions for our loved ones. I was shocked to realize how unabashed I was in being the opposite of gentle and patient. In preserving my pride, I often could find an excuse to justify my actions. Whatever happened to the virtuous of the wife from Proverbs 31 that I aspired to be? Or the promise (wedding vow) I made to be his best friend all the days of his life? 

The 3 years of marriage taught me that I am capable of being selfish and prideful in achieving what I want. The 3 years of marriage taught me that loving Tim and accepting him for who he is often involve me taking up my own cross. Daily. It involves constantly choosing to love the other person more than oneself. It entails personal sacrifice. Nobody told me it was going to be this hard. No one told me I would continuously stumble and fail. The 3 years of marriage taught me that I need Jesus more than ever. I need His strength and grace to take up my own cross. Daily. I'm not perfect, but I need Jesus to help me protect and love my spouse like wife from Proverbs 31. There is no way I can do it with my own strength.

In the West, there is a tradition of giving leather to partners in the 3rd anniversary to celebrate the durability of the relationship. You can read about the tradition here. Apart from it's natural durability, leather needs frequent care to maintain its permanence and quality. I suppose it like marriages too. The durability of a relationship is also dependent on the tender loving care that partners invest in the each others' lives. I pray we will learn and practice this all the days of our lives.